Wednesday, June 07, 2006

So my day of Our Dark Lord was really uneventful. Wait...I kind of feel like Doogie Howser when he'd be typing away on his computer with the voice over. Maybe because I'm listening to Wilco with Billie just seems to have that kind of affect. STOP! No, I totally hear my own voice over in my head. At least it's not like the Wonder Years. So at any rate, Satanic Day was like any other day. I'm not sure what I was expecting, perhaps more fun events? Either way I was going to go see the Omen, but it was sold out. So instead I watched Transamerica. So good. So, so good. I bought some Jagermeister before I came home tonight so I could drink at the movies...I'm so lame at times. Now I'm listening to Bonfire Madigan and I still can feel the voice over. Am I crazy?

Vooooooice over. ...And it was at this moment that I realized just how much I really loved Winnie... I seriously have been having a really bad streak of luck for the past month. It's quite disheartening. I had a dream last night that I was being haunted. There was this spirit, and I didn't know who the ghost/energy/being was, and it would turn silvery and melt into my body. Klaus Nomi was also in my dream, because I might have just been seeing dead people. I'm fairly certain that all of the people whom I admire are dead. Well, Dolly Parton isn't dead. I watched the credits of Transamerica because Dolly Parton was singing. God love Dolly Parton. Here's how much I love my mother, I was randomly talking about my love of all things Dolly and my mom seriously became weepy as she spoke about how nice Dolly Parton seems. My mother has never met her, nor does she know anybody who has met her...she just seems very very nice. So my mom cried a little about that. Please kill me if I'm like that when I'm 53. But already I get weepy at movies and I never use to do that only a few years ago, and I get squeamish at gore. Al Gore. I got really teary eyed when I watched The Times of Harvy Milk. Later that night when I saw X Men 3...I got teary eyed then too...BUT IT WAS BECAUSE THE MUTANTS JUST WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO THEY ARE. DON'T JUDGE ME! I also cried when I told my mom what it feels like to be an eccentric, gender queer, faggot. I'm on my period okay? Just a tad emotional. I was all, "NOBODY'S TRYING TO PASS AMENDMENTS ON YOU MOM! YOU CAN GET MARRIED AND DIVORCED AND IF I WANT TO IT'S A POLITICAL STATEMENT!"

Do you see what's happening? I have stayed home a lot since the accident...from now on I'm totally just going to talk like that. Imagine saying that to a bunch of people whom I've just met? "I've just felt a little different...since the accident...I'll just trail off my sentence and walk away. No, but I totally have stayed home a lot. I'm going stir crazy. And it doesn't help that I hate Los Angeles. Well, tomorrow Grey Gardens and the Devil and Daniel Johnston are playing as a double feature at the New Beverly. It's right down the street from my work so I'm totally going to go. I love Grey Gardens and I love that Netflix has like only one copy of it on dvd so when I know somebody is waiting for it to arrive, but Netflix is all "Hey movie watcher we don't have it back yet." And then the person gets it and says, "Hey Arielle, that documentary you recommended finally came from Netflix." I know it finally came because I returned it. It's all about the power and the control man. I leave post-it notes on my Netflix. I wonder if they peel them off or what? HMMMMMM?

I had video plans for the Summer, and now I don't know if I can continue my plans. My notes are gone and I'm not motivated to recreate them. I'm so tired! Not like sleepy tired, I just need a fabulous vacation. My idea of a fabulous vacation is staying with my grandparents in Boston for a week and then staying with my friend in Queens for a week. And I just want to like do nothing. I don't want to really sight see or anything like that. I want to walk around the city I've hardly been too really slow and feel connected. I like walking really slow for a really long time and then finding a patch of grass and just laying there. It makes me feel alive. I feel that it's really easy to forget about what it means to be alive and that you need to live and not just go through the motions every day. That can be hard to do. So I like to walk or just lay on the microbe infested ground and just be alive. Troubled teens cut themselves to remind themselves that they are alive. Why do I find troubled goth teens funny? They just are.

They'll never take me alive.

This came up when I googled "Sloop John B."

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