it's my civic duty to begin updating this blog once more. oh my, how things have changed since i first sat down in my basement apartment.

a few weeks ago i went to the gauntlet. they were doing some promotional mumbo jumbo for a lesbian themed film for which i had not yet seen. that film was DESERT HEARTS.

now the way to remember if you want the word "desert" or "dessert" is to keep in mind with "dessert" you want seconds. it is in fact "desert" hearts and not "dessert." i'm a film critic and i hate anything that does not involve talking animals!


the drinks were real strong that night and the bar was fairly empty. there was a movie themed costume contest and all i saw was a man in a denim skirt. i shouted, "hey, this is dyke night. get that man off the stage!" but i don't think anybody heard me. she was a handsome lady. real handsome. i dropped my corncob pipe on the floor which was covered in dried semen no doubt.

fool me once and that's okay, you can learn. fool me twice and that's also okay, i feel like time is no object. i netflixed that there desert hearts. the dvd skipped and stuttered, probably from being rented by so many lesbians before. rubbing the dirty disc with their dinah shore weekend pullover in hopes of cleansing the disc but only soiling it more so.

the younger chick was okay. just okay. THE PROFESSOR was haggard and her face reminded me of Ross Perot. thusly, any sex scenes were rendered obsolete. the pacing seemed equal to the rate of watching an elder person get out of a seat on a bus. just as the elder person, the movie also had slight tremors.

in conclusion, if you like slow progressions, lesbians, the roaring '50s, and plays put on by armatures then you will like this movie lots.

otherwise, i am sorry.

so i thought to myself, "hey, has any tracy + the plastics stuff made it to the internets?" yes, yes it has.



i found a bit more, and will do a more comprehensive posting later. i wish that i had more free time because i would like to aggregate all of the riot grrrl-type/oriented videos that have shown up on the internets all together. i'm sure i could whip up an easy template in which to place them since i know nothing about technological creation.

good night dear apples.

Teleprompter failure.

I love idiots on game shows. The answer is so obvious...what was the caller not inhaling?

this robot may be able to ride a bicycle, but can it love?

The Gayest...er Greatest News Story Ever Told!

The story of a Pentagon proposal to create a bomb so mighty that it would turn the enemy gay and make them irresistible to one another.

Full House+STAMOS+DOOM METAL=JESSE AND THE RIPPERS

MIKA MIKO in BUSINESS CATS!!!!



totally awesome-tastic video!

Pinchy the lobster!

The best thing that I have seen all day...country line dancing to Iron Butterfly!

This man creates amazing robots out of scraps. He's like Lucia Pamela, but with handy crafts!

This interactive touch computer table is awesome! I totally want to play solitaire on that thing and then wirelessly transmit photos of myself wearing my big ugly '80s glasses all over myspace.

HOW-TO: ORIGAMI VAGINA

i wish i could elaborate on the following videos more, but i can't at the moment. in the mean time...a cheesy women and punk portion of a cheesy documentary.


[PART I]


[PART II]


[PART III]

link to the awesome documentary Her Noise, a must-watch.

So this fellow, Arthur Brown, never heard of him before, but apparently Alice Cooper totally loved him. The song sounds totally stereotypically of that time period. I do love the into, "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!"

Miranda July is totally one of my favorite artists ever. I feel the need to state that I am an og Miranda July fan as somehow that may make me better than you? Buuut ever since I heard Kid Co-Coma on UCSB's npr station when I was like 13 or 14 (now I'm old and haggard) I become totally enchanted by her and after seeing her videos felt that my love of video as an art form had been validated. So yes, the above is Miranda July in the new Blonde Redhead for a track whose title does not really matter.

it appears as though somebody has videoed some of Miranda July's shorts from the Big Miss Moviola tapes off of their tv and uploaded them the wasteoftimeTUBE.



Atlanta (1996)



Getting Stronger Every Day (2001)

I need to purchase a new Joanie4Jackie tape seeing as though mine broke after so many viewings.

Unemployment Check: Dr. Phil Helps Aspiring Child Stars Realize Their Dream of Batsh*t Insanity

Posted Yesterday

One of the weirdest child talent shows ever, courtesy of Dr. Phil.

Can somebody please explain how this little girl can go from reciting a monologue about a car wreck to singing twinkle twinkle?

An Anne Frank photo gallery. Ask me about my teleplay called Anne Frankenstein. Since you asked think of it as a cross between Small Wonder and the Holocaust. My final Anne Frank comment...I wrote a diary and you don't see me making a big deal about it. By the way, I'm Jewish and my grandfather is a survivor of the Holocaust. I kid because I love.

Adam Buxton adds a hilarious narration to a Nissan advert for their line of SUV's.

Okay, I'm working from home for the second day in a row. So I've had KCAL on most of the day while I've been working. Just now there's an ad for Hooters Hotel and Casino in Vegas. Their advertising it as a great place for couples to go. What woman (other than myself. What can I say? I'm a sucker for tacky.) would go on a weekend getaway/vacation with her presumably male partner to the fucking Hooters Hotel?! Hoot hoot! On a side note, don't gay cruises seem totally fun fun fun?